Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
dude i'm inner monologue high
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
