Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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