hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
