My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize