it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I deserve this hangover.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
