Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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