Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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