seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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