I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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