Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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