You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
