I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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