We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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