he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
