every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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