She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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