Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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