Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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