it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
