you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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