no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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