for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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