Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I have aggressive nipples.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
