I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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