hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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