Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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