I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Randomize
