So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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