I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize
