I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
