I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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