and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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