You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
