we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Randomize
