My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize