So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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