So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize