They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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