Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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