Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
