You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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