Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
It was a blind-side dick pic.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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