so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
