Whod you bang
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
