I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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