So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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