If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
