Don't make out with my wife yet
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
