This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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