I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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