He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Boobs speak an international language.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
This is classic penis vs brain.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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