your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
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