I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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