Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
