Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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