well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
