you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
