so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
