Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
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