no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Randomize
