Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
she smelled like a LAN party
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
