if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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