I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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