guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
