why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Randomize
