Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
