idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
